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Many parents with young children and teenagers know how difficult it is to deal with those kids who talk back and argue all of the time. Many also know how easy it is for us parents to lose our tempers and fly into the same rage our children get into. If you are like most of us parents, then consider yourselves normal. Here are a few suggestions, that derived from our own personal experience, that will possibly help to ease the tension between you and your high-strung children.
My son, who I will refer to as Dennis in this article, has always been mouthy, into everything, a show off, and a stinker since he was born 13 years ago. While in elementary school, the teachers were always referring to his ADHD attitude. As most parents with this problem know, these feelings build up and make it feel like a bowling ball shoved in the heart. These situations are not easy to understand or handle at times. Most parents defend their children at the same time feel the need to teach them a good lesson or two!
When Dennis was about 6, a neighbor and I were discussing these issues and she told me, “God created His children to be who they are and who they will be one day.” I thought about that for a couple of weeks and it made sense. It made even more sense when my son’s tae kwon do instructor told me he reminded him of himself when he was younger. He always wanted to be first in line, first to say something, first to open a door, and first in about everything. But when he said, “One day he will probably be first to save a life,” I thought again about what my neighbor said. It became clearer to me that I was always just living in that moment and focusing on poor me and this ADHD life style when I should have have been putting more emphasis on who he was and why God created him to be instead of his being so obnoxious.
So, when a situation comes up and you are frustrated about your child’s behavior, keep in mind that they were created to perhaps be something spectacular in their future. Yes, it is difficult to figure out how to raise these high-spirited squirts and to channel their attitudes into something more positive, but we have to be positive first in order to SHOW them since telling them falls onto deaf ears.
One of the first things to do when a major confrontation occurs is to let them have their say first. I was really bad, and still am a lot of the times, at stopping myself from yelling back right away with the thoughts of “I am the parent and you will do as I say” attitude. A parent is suppose to be in charge and is responsible for raising their children according to God’s word. It is normal for us parents to want to and expect our children to comply with our demands immediately. But in all reality, it does not happen with these mouthy children. The situation usually just escalates into something worse.
When these arguments occur, try taking a 5-10 count deep breath, listen to what they are trying to say, and before responding, remember they are who they are and eventually they will grow up. In responding to the issue, make sure you have eye contact and let them know you love them. Then, explain the situation as you see it and the consequences that are to follow. Speaking gently with that eye contact are very important and something foreign to them, but they will catch on quicker than if screaming matches render a challenge.
Many strong-willed children, and all children really, need something to focus on. Find out what your child likes to do or what talent God has blessed them with and spend time focussing on it. Goals are important and it can also be a stress reliever for both sides.
Another suggestion is to keep them busy. Having normal house chores is a way to teach your children responsibility and help them in the future when it is time for them to leave home. But, I have found that extra chores for consequences to their behavior really work well. After a while, you will know which chores they hate and they will catch on quickly to the concept, thus, improving their behavior.
I have a relative in a nursing home and I have found that doing things for her has spiked an interest in Dennis. Help your child focus on someone less fortunate and helpless. This is also very beneficial to everyone involved and could possibly open the door to future career opportunities for them.
Lastly, and one of my favorites, is prayer. Pray for your children and ask God to help all of you. This gives me so much relief. He put us here and is not seeking us, but He wants us to seek Him. Pray with your family together and it will strengthen all of you. There is a phrase we grew up with that says, “A family who prays together stays together.” Teaching your children to pray and read the Bible can also be a relief for them. His Bible leaves us with so much to grow on.
Pray first in every situation and remember that your children were created to be who they are. Remain calm with good eye contact and discipline. Focus their attention on things they like to do and helping others. With all of these combined efforts and timely patience, eventually there will be positive changes in you lives and coping with your high-strung children will become easier. Good luck and Blessing to you!
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